Wednesday, August 09, 2006


Elliott Smith, happy belated b-day
Current mood: exhausted


I remember the first time I heard Elliott Smith sing.
It was on the Oscars, he was nominated for best song along with Celine Dione (sp) that year. It was the year of "Titanic" and was sweeping most of the awards. I was personally rooting for "L.A. Confidential" that year because the movie was a almost perfect adaptation of the novel (also I'm a huge James Ellroy fan). Of course Celine Dione had this huge production for her song for "My Heart Will Go On" from that James Cameron Crapfest. The whole orchestra was rousted from the pit near the stage and was there on stage for her song.
For his song, Elliott Smith was on stage in a white suit, with an accoustic guitar, by himself. He sang his song "Miss Misery" from "Good Will Hunting" bowed politely and left.
I remember really liking the song and the lack of pomp was a nice change (Dione ended up winning that year).
A couple of years went by and I was out in Lawn and Garden freezing my ass off on a closing shift. I had sneaked a copy of Rolling Stone with me to help pass the time. I read a review of "Figure 8", at the time his latest album. I bought it then picked up his albums whenever I came across them.
I remember hearing about his death in Baltimore when I was living with my ex. It came as a shock as it did many people. I was in the pits of the death throes of my first love affair. I was still working as much as I could to appease my ex. I was busing it to work almost everyday picking up hours whenever I could. An hour there and an hour back. I listened to his postumous album "From A Basement on a Hill" quite a bit to pass the time. I hoped to figure out why he died by listening to the album which has alot of dark imagery. The coroners report says he commited suicide, but that's up for debate.
Since the break up I listen to his music at least once a day. My ex used to say that I shouldn't listen to his music because it was too sad.
I beg to differ, his music helps me with my depression because it shows me I'm not alone. That it's ok. It's comfort when other people don't understand (or don't want to). Sure, whenever someone asks me who I'm listening to and I say Elliott Smith they don't know who I'm talking about.
That's ok too, their loss.
So, happy belated birthday Elloitt. He would have been 37 on August 6th.
Thanks for helping me out....
Say Yes.mp3
Happiness.mp3
Waltz #2 (XO).mp3

D-


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Tuesday, August 08, 2006


I'm Still Here
Current mood: contemplative

With my birthday just around the corner I wonder if I've made any progress. In some ways I think I have, in others I've stalled out. I've made some friends and I've....lost others. I've tried to be a good and helpful person to those around me. And, to paraphrase the words of songwriter Johnny Lee "looked for love in all the wrong places" apparently.
I've been depressed, occasionally I've been moody, sometimes sarcastic, unconsolebly tragic, unrepentantly annoyed, achingly heartbroken, near the redline of mental breakdown.
But....
I'm still here.
34 fucking years old.
I need to get toasted, I'm well overdue for some fun.

D-

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Monday, August 07, 2006


"Disturbing"

Can you hear that?
From the look on your face
I know you didn't
It's not something people expect
And from the set of your eyes
It's not something you wish to know
You only see it if you care enough
I know
One look at me and it's
Easily disregarded
I didn't know what to expect
And in the end
I didn't know what to do
Either way it destroyed me
Like a part of me went rotten
And had to be cut out
Thrown away
Gangrenous and sickly smelling
It had to be done I told myself
It was a part of me
Beautiful in it's way
Until it hit the open air and died
A radio signal going one way
Stillborn and not meant to be
Alien and alone
Like me
I was a fool
I knew that knowingly
It's not my habit
I'm sorry
If you found it
Disturbing

D-



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