I'm Guilty

I admit I was wrong
I admit to dreaming
I'm guilty
Looking back on it
I had the best intentions
A place all bad ideas are paved
I wanted to feel
Something other than despair
I wanted her to feel
Loved unconditionally
I know it was
Beyond any type of
lasciviousness
I knew she was
nervous around me
I didn't have a clue
I was contemplating
Something...
Self destructive
I knew how I felt about her
I felt the clock ticking
My fear building
What elevated me
Was also killing me
I knew she didn't really
Feel anything for me
I was blinded
Like being too close to the sun
My brain was inadequate
In controlling my heart
But in the end
It didn't help me
Everything is still tentative
Careful choosing of words
Makes me want to cut myself
Just to feel the pain on the outside
For a change
It's wrong and I'd never do it
But it still hurts
Being the fool

D-

3:03am 8/25/06