Melancholy and the Fear and Loathing of working retail

I just got my new glasses friday and it's talking me much too long getting used to them.
It's either that or the fact I haven't been getting enough sleep lately. My head hurts and I'm depressed.
I go to get my schedule at work tomorrow. It grinds me up inside that I have to go back there again. I have to work on the floor this time around so I have to deal with having a new and different level of crap to deal with in an old wrapper. I figure I'll either go so slow and be so dim because of my depression and lack of energy because of it they'll fire me. Being fired is one of my re-occcuring nightmares because I hate the thought of being so bad at what I'm doing that they have to get rid of me. I have enough of my own self loathing I don't need anymore from other people.
You have to be a little braindead in the first place to work in retail. It's the self awareness that kills you. Having to be nice to people who wouldn't shit on you if you were in flames.
I honestly feel like crying. I never wanted to go back there, even if it was inevitable.
Money is what makes the world go 'round. It trumps everything. Love included. I should know, it broke up my only relationship I've ever had. I'm living at home again because of it. I had to leave all my friends back east because of it.
No sex makes dan a dull boy...

D-