I'm never going to know you now/But I'm going to love you anyhow

Sometimes when life hands you a lift up it's only to kick you in the shorts.

I admit it was my fault that it ended the way it did. I had been so alone for it seemed like ages. Someone comes into you life, and you instantly have a connection with, you open up. Like a clam with the heat on.

She was so sweet, and nice. She said she wanted to hear about my break-up. She was getting over someone too. She refused to talk about it, and even then in the vaguest terms.

So, I told her. BIG MISTAKE.

It overloaded her empathic Synapses like boiling water on cool flesh. I remember sitting there recounting my Jerry Bruckheimer-Style Disaster of a first relationship/ Breakup. Her eyes were wide like an Anime character. My face was hot talking about what went down, and it wasn't the half eaten chicken burrito in front of me (even though it was muy calyente). I felt drained. The wounds were still wet to the touch. I ruined my chances with this girl right there and I didn't know it until last night.

I popped up yahoo messenger and saw here there. I said hi she said

"Read Your Email. I can't talk right now."

I remember when my ex would tell me to check my e-mail bad shit was about to come down.

Second verse, Same as the first...

The e-mail was written in very cold language. An eviction notice written by a psycologist.

She felt the need to distance herself from my pain. I couldn't say that I blamed her. She told me I should seek therapy. I don't have insurance right now.

I sent her an e-mail back, tried to not sound terribly hurt (which I was), tried to be funny (which I do when I'm hurt), inplied I was having feelings for her ( I was going to ask her to 'go steady' on our next outing).

I sent her an mp3 of a song I had stuck in my head the day before. The main stanza being:

"I'm Never Going To Know You Now / But I'm Going To Love You Anyhow"
Elliot Smith, Waltz #2 (XO)
I didn't know how prophetic it would be.


D-